President Bush Needs Our Help

"because his good name was dragged through the ...... mud"

President Bush Discusses Resignation of Attorney General Alberto Gonzales, August 27, 2007

You would think that between a staff of speech writers, and a staff of speech coaches, he could have come up with something better than a poorly delivered, hackneyed phrase like that. It's not as though he's never had to give this type of speech before.

For the sake of the nation's sanity, someone needs to come up with some better lines for the next "resignation in disgrace" speech that he will need to make. I'll start the list.

dragged through the:

• stockyards


• hog-manure lagoons


• guano caves of Jamaica


• restaurant grease traps


• great green grimes of greasy grimy gopher guts


• Prince William Sound


• floodwaters of New Orleans


• building 18 of Walter Reed

Parsley

Once upon a time, long ago, there was a girl who lived with her mother in a small cottage in the forest. She was called Parsley because she went to gather parsley every day for her mother, who was very sick. One day, while she was out picking parsley, her fairy godmother appeared and told her the prince was looking for a bride, and that there was to be three balls for him to find one. Parsley knew she couldn’t go because she was poor and had no dress to wear. Well, her fairy godmother said that she was a good girl and deserved to go. So she waved her magic wand and suddenly Parsley was dressed in a silver gown that sparkled like the stars. She went to the ball, and everyone wondered who the mysterious girl was, but the prince was enchanted with her, and they danced all night.

The next night, there was another ball, and her fairy godmother came again. Once again, she waved her magic wand and suddenly Parsley was dressed in a white gown that glowed like the moon. She went to the ball and danced with the prince.

The next night, was the third, and final, ball. Her fairy godmother came again, and this time, she was dressed in a yellow gown that shone like the sun. It was even more beautiful than the last gown. When the prince saw her, he danced with her, and asked her to be his wife. Parsley said yes. Soon after, Parsley’s mother was well, and the prince and Parsley got married.

Then they stepped on a piece of tin, the tin bent, and the story ent.

---

This is my retelling, of my mother's retelling, of a story her grandmother told her. We don't know where she heard the story, or if she made it up herself. She closed all of her stories with the tin bent line.

My great grandmother was of German descent, born in New Orleans around 1880. She spent some time in an orphanage, and also traveled the country as an entertainer.

Fun with telemarketers

A telemarketer called our house recently. Normally a very mundane event, but my husband has found a way to make it both fun and informative. After listening to the opening spiel, he said that he had a question. The telemarketer was delighted to answer any question.

“How did you vote in the last presidential election?” After a bit of sputtering and stammering, he said that he doesn’t believe in voting. This led to a good ten minutes of discussion. The telemarketer had never thought much about politics so he had some trouble deciding what he thought. Apparently, he considered government to be sort of like a mother. It tells you what to do, and what is good for you, and what you need to know. He never did come up with an answer for how our leaders should be chosen.

Eventually, my husband let him continue with his sales pitch.

“What kind of services do you get from your cable or dish provider?”

“I don’t watch TV.”

“You don’t have cable?”

“I don’t have a TV.” (the TV is on in the background, but probably too low for him to hear)

“Well I guess I can’t sell you any of these services then!” (from a very put upon telemarketer)

end of call

I was really looking forward to the next telemarketer. I was going to conduct a poll, and then write about it. After two weeks, the few that have called, called when we were out. They left messages on the machine. Now I know how to get on the real "do not call" list. 13 days and counting ...

Hello Congressional Lurkers

Senator Richard Shelby, Senator Jeff Sessions, Representative Jo Bonner. This seems to have caught the attention of your notification service on my last post, so I'll try it again.

Just what do you people spend your day doing? As nice as it is to be heard for a change, how much time do ya'll spend reading obscure little blogs like this one? What made this especially amusing is the topic of my last post. I was commenting on how unresponsive some representatives are. So what happens? Congressional staffers spend time lurking, and don't even respond.

You don't spend much time reading the bills that you are voting on. All that pork gets slipped in somehow. Did you notice the military access to school records requirement in the No Child Left Behind bill? How about those back door US attorney appointments in the latest Patriot Act? And now you're thinking that maybe we should have kept Habeas Corpus when we made torture legal.

You don't spend much time writing bills either. Why bother when someone from the group being regulated is willing to write them for you? No charge.

You have been known to spend time on petty activities such as trashing Wikipedia entries for your fellow congress people.

Sounds like a great job. It even includes health care. Where do I apply?

Homophone Fun

Time for a little silliness break.


The mole hides his eyes.
The mole hides his ears.
But he really knows how
to show off his nose.